9. Telling My Very Catholic Brother
My brother is a very strong Catholic. He teaches natural planning, doesn’t believe in birth control and believes very strongly in whatever the Pope believes. He believes that religion is what it is and you cannot change it to fit what you believe.
He was the guy to tell. In no way would he think I should stay married. This was so “out there” that it had to shock him beyond belief. I called him and talked to him and was surprised again.
My strong Catholic brother and his wife were well informed on pornography and how it was affecting men in the US. They taught me a lot about this and my brother sent me videos to watch and through it all he had compassion for Ben.
He saw the pornography as the evil, not Ben. He kept saying Ben needed help. He taught me about sex addiction and what pornography does to the mind and the chemicals in the body, and feelings and the cycles men go through…like addiction.
I read and read and listened to these videos and became an expert on my own. I sent the links to Ben and he watched the videos and he read the material my brother sent, and he finally saw himself in all of this and understood his problem.
The brother and sister-in-law that I thought would condemn Ben the most were in fact the greatest advocates for Ben’s healing. They taught me strength, understanding and compassion.
They believed Ben had broken our vows of marriage. They didn’t feel we had a marriage, but they also believed in Ben and in his turning around. It wasn’t because they felt people shouldn’t get divorced, it is because they believed that the sin and the sinner are separate.
The people I thought would condemn Ben the most were praying for us!
I didn’t get the push to divorce Ben from them either. It was about forgiveness and healing and going to confession and asking God for help and improving ourselves and our lives.
It was all about FAITH. Faith in God, faith in healing, faith in people and faith in what is good.
They were surprising me constantly by being the ones to continue to talk about this. To encourage me and support me and understand that my struggles to deal with this are unending. A year after this all began, my sister-in-law congratulated me for forgiving Ben and working on our marriage. That meant so much to me. I am trying to be strong and trying to forgive, but I will never really get past this and her saying this was very encouraging.
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