6. Becoming A Single Parent?

From A Team to A Single Parent

I kicked him out. He was gone, living in his car going to work during the day. I wanted him out. We had been together since I was 15. Not real seriously through those teen years, but he was a part of my life all that time. I am nearing 50 and he had been a part of almost all my life. 33 years I think I figured out. 33 years and I faced living without him.

We had dated (never real seriously) in our teens, married in our 20s, had children in our 30’s and grown apart in our 40s. It looked like I would be a single parent in my 50s. And I knew I would never find anyone else. Not looking like I do. Not at the age I am. Not with so many kids. I had no income, no possibility of a future income and I felt overwhelmed with raising all our kids alone.

We had been a team all our life. We had worked hard together to build this family. He failed miserably at discipline, but he did more than his share of everything else. We each read with the kids at night. He played with the kids endlessly during the day. He supported them in their school and sports. We were all about raising these kids as a team.

Ben was great around the house. He kept up his share and more. We were having a blast raising our kids together despite our own needs as a couple. We had always put the kids first and ourselves last.

How would I do this alone? I really had no desire to do it alone. I needed him gone or I knew I would take him back…..out of insecurities out of neediness, out of habit, because he was the only world I knew. And because my world was always “OUR WORLD” this was scary. We had created this world together. I wanted nothing to do with living it alone. But I had to. And he needed to be gone and never come back so I could