8. My Parents- Acceptance and Unconditional Love

Witnessing Acceptance- My Parents
I was sure my parents and family would convince me to get a divorce. My parents had been married over 50 years. They had just settled into a comfortable happiness. They were use to each other and done with the stresses of raising kids. They were financially stable and had just really grown into a happy, relaxed couple. I was sure they would not tolerate this.


I was wrong. I was so wrong. Never did they say one cruel thing about Ben. They didn’t act like it was ok in any way, but never did they act like I was in a place where it had to be over.

I know they had to have lost a lot of respect in Ben. They couldn’t have liked how this was impacting their daughter. But it was never about this that they talked. They talked about how he was a good guy and the father of our kids. I asked flat out, “I can’t possibly forgive this, can I? If it had gone on for years? I can’t let this go can I?” Never was I given a sign that they thought it should be over without our trying to get help and get through it.

So much of our past ran through my mind: Our teens….this goofy, gawky teenage boy who always was growing unkempt facial hair somewhere. How would I have felt if my daughter was dating a guy like him? His parents were divorced and they never had any money. His father had mental health issues and was a social misfit. They didn’t judge Ben for any of this.

In fact my parents loved his mother. She married too young, had children too young and married the wrong man twice. They didn’t care. They liked her. She was an amazing woman, a hard worker, a pleasant person and an optimist. They liked her for her goodness.

And 25 years ago, when Ben asked my father if he could marry me, he had no job. And our first three years he didn’t make much money. They never acted like they doubted Ben for a minute. I wonder if I could do the same with my own daughter.

I came to realize, my parents were amazing people. They don’t judge. In all this time they never said a negative thing about Ben. Not about how he appeared with the beards and mustaches. Never about not having a job, Never about how he made so little money. Never about him coming from a divorced family or having a father who never had a job. None of this.

They always believed in Ben. My father would congratulate and encourage Ben in his constant career changes. While most men from my father's generation would look down on Ben for changing jobs so frequently, my father appreciated his ability to constantly get better jobs. He admired Ben for his ability to succeed.

Now they had heard what Ben had done, and I was witnessing acceptance again. My parents are heroes to me for that. This is unconditional love. Something I was incapable of.